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Saturday, November 24, 2007
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Thursday, November 22, 2007
From Riches to Rags and Back Again: Doris, a Barmaid
In the hit box office movie, Shrek 2, Doris the Ugly Stepsister played her debue role as the bartender of the Poison Apple. But how did this stepsister go from a high class mansion to a run of the mill bar. We have uncovered more truths about Doris's secret past.
What happened after Cinderella's "Happily Ever After?"
What you've most likely been told is that Cinderella met Prince Charming and they lived "Happily Ever After." But, that theory has already been disproved. Cinderella did not marry Charming or run away with him. Instead, she opened up a sweatshop high up in the Gum Drop Mountains with seven dwarves to do her bidding. She was sick of being bossed around by her stepmother so she decided to use the dwarves as her outlet. Doris did not like this idea though so she set out to find the hidden sweatshop and stop Cinderella's schemes of using the dwarves to make legwarmers and knee socks. She left on a journey that would take her many weeks and much time. Untill one day when Doris was hiking through the mountains and she saw smoke coming from behind a group of hills. She snuck through the rolling hills untill the factory was visible. but she needed a way inside the facilities. A plan hatched in her head as her eyes fled toward the mighty smoke stacks. Once inside the tremendous building, Doris made her way to the main sewing sector of the sweatshop. She rallied the seven dwarves after disabling the camera system. Doris told them of her escape plan and they quickly obliged to leave with her. But as the dwarves escaped to the rodevue point, Doris confronted her stepsister. She was in her office at the time when Doris broke the down her door. For nearly and hour they bickered on the subject of their past untill Doris was able to talk her sister into closing the shop. When they where leaving the massive facility, Doris gained the upper hand by smacking Cinderella with an iron beam hanging off of one of the walls. She locked her unconscient body in a closet to await the authorities. Afterwards Doris caught up with the dwarves at a cottage hidden in the Lollipop Woods.
The Birth and Death of a Kingdom
With the help of the seven escapees, Doris was able to find a refuge that would accomodate all of them and more. While in the forest one day, Doris stumbled upon a road that led to an emmence castle. It seemed that it had not been in use for nearly a century but with a little elbow grease, it could provide an excellent home. In fact, after months of renovations, the castle was brought up to code and sheltered not only Doris and the seven dwarves, but a small group of outcasts from a nearby kingdom. It was no the best civilization, but it was home. For some time that is. You see, Doris was not the best ruler there was. However, her successor was no better. Perhaps even worse. After nearly five years of reign, a revolt was formed to overthrow Doris. Two hundred knights led by the Wicked Queen, seized control of the knigdom and banished Doris to the forest. She traveled through the forest for about two days, searching for her old cottage. When she finally found it, she was greeted by the seven dwarves, Sleeping Beauty, and three fairies. She told them all to remain safe at the house untill the queen was out of power. Doris left after one night and began her journey to find a bounty hunter. Though she didn't like the idea, she knew she had to do it. While renting a room at a bar near Far Far Away, she came across an old hag that was available for any sort of service. Doris arranged a meeting with her to discuss the matter at stake. The next morning, the old hag left the kingdom with a satchel of gold and a mission in mind. (To learn more about her mission, please refer to the link on the side of the page) Doris remained at the bar for weeks, never returning to the castle. she knew she was not fit to run it, so she didn't bother. She became friends with the bartender of the Poison Apple and shared many fond memories with him. Tragedy soon found Doris and took away her knew friend. With help needed at the bar, she took up his post and spent the next few years at the Poison Apple.
A New Friend
One day, she met a handsome man, his horse, and his feline sidekick, whom she was already familiar with. She felt much attraction to this sorrowful man so she followed him to the castle that he was visiting. She snuck through the crowd at Fiona's ball only to find that this man was married. To cheer herself up, she signed up for a contest after the ball known as Far Far Away Idol. after losing the contest to Simon Cowell, she began mingling with the other contestants. Fiona became friends with Doris and invited her to come to a get-together of her friends at the castle the next day. Doris abandoned her post at the bar to spend more time with her new "friends."
That is how this princess went from Riches to Rags and Back Again
What happened after Cinderella's "Happily Ever After?"
What you've most likely been told is that Cinderella met Prince Charming and they lived "Happily Ever After." But, that theory has already been disproved. Cinderella did not marry Charming or run away with him. Instead, she opened up a sweatshop high up in the Gum Drop Mountains with seven dwarves to do her bidding. She was sick of being bossed around by her stepmother so she decided to use the dwarves as her outlet. Doris did not like this idea though so she set out to find the hidden sweatshop and stop Cinderella's schemes of using the dwarves to make legwarmers and knee socks. She left on a journey that would take her many weeks and much time. Untill one day when Doris was hiking through the mountains and she saw smoke coming from behind a group of hills. She snuck through the rolling hills untill the factory was visible. but she needed a way inside the facilities. A plan hatched in her head as her eyes fled toward the mighty smoke stacks. Once inside the tremendous building, Doris made her way to the main sewing sector of the sweatshop. She rallied the seven dwarves after disabling the camera system. Doris told them of her escape plan and they quickly obliged to leave with her. But as the dwarves escaped to the rodevue point, Doris confronted her stepsister. She was in her office at the time when Doris broke the down her door. For nearly and hour they bickered on the subject of their past untill Doris was able to talk her sister into closing the shop. When they where leaving the massive facility, Doris gained the upper hand by smacking Cinderella with an iron beam hanging off of one of the walls. She locked her unconscient body in a closet to await the authorities. Afterwards Doris caught up with the dwarves at a cottage hidden in the Lollipop Woods.
The Birth and Death of a Kingdom
With the help of the seven escapees, Doris was able to find a refuge that would accomodate all of them and more. While in the forest one day, Doris stumbled upon a road that led to an emmence castle. It seemed that it had not been in use for nearly a century but with a little elbow grease, it could provide an excellent home. In fact, after months of renovations, the castle was brought up to code and sheltered not only Doris and the seven dwarves, but a small group of outcasts from a nearby kingdom. It was no the best civilization, but it was home. For some time that is. You see, Doris was not the best ruler there was. However, her successor was no better. Perhaps even worse. After nearly five years of reign, a revolt was formed to overthrow Doris. Two hundred knights led by the Wicked Queen, seized control of the knigdom and banished Doris to the forest. She traveled through the forest for about two days, searching for her old cottage. When she finally found it, she was greeted by the seven dwarves, Sleeping Beauty, and three fairies. She told them all to remain safe at the house untill the queen was out of power. Doris left after one night and began her journey to find a bounty hunter. Though she didn't like the idea, she knew she had to do it. While renting a room at a bar near Far Far Away, she came across an old hag that was available for any sort of service. Doris arranged a meeting with her to discuss the matter at stake. The next morning, the old hag left the kingdom with a satchel of gold and a mission in mind. (To learn more about her mission, please refer to the link on the side of the page) Doris remained at the bar for weeks, never returning to the castle. she knew she was not fit to run it, so she didn't bother. She became friends with the bartender of the Poison Apple and shared many fond memories with him. Tragedy soon found Doris and took away her knew friend. With help needed at the bar, she took up his post and spent the next few years at the Poison Apple.
A New Friend
One day, she met a handsome man, his horse, and his feline sidekick, whom she was already familiar with. She felt much attraction to this sorrowful man so she followed him to the castle that he was visiting. She snuck through the crowd at Fiona's ball only to find that this man was married. To cheer herself up, she signed up for a contest after the ball known as Far Far Away Idol. after losing the contest to Simon Cowell, she began mingling with the other contestants. Fiona became friends with Doris and invited her to come to a get-together of her friends at the castle the next day. Doris abandoned her post at the bar to spend more time with her new "friends."
That is how this princess went from Riches to Rags and Back Again
Spread a Little Doris Cheer!
Hello all!! This is Doris blogging. As you most likely know, Christmas is coming and Hanukkah for all o the Jewish folk. I'd like to take this blogspace to give all of you enchanting Christmas lyrics that i know you'll love. However, i know how boring normal carols can be so i spiced them up a little bit! Hope you enjoy them! And Merry Christmahannukwanzakah to ALL!
Christmas Carols
Noisy Night (Silent Night)
Noisy night
Holy crap
All was calm, not for long
That fricken baby woke the dog
I hit his head with a log
Sleep in Heavenly peace...
Wreck the Halls (Deck the Halls)
Wreck the Halls with clubs and mallets
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-boom-bum-Boom
Cover the walls in grass and blood stains
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-boom-bum-Boom
Don we now our fag apparel...
Have Yourself a Merry Christmahannukwanzakah (Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself a merry Christmahannukwanzakah
Let your feet be sore
All of the
Running round will make you sick
So have yourself a merry Christmahannukwanzakah, now
Merry Christmahannukwnzakah all!
Christmas Carols
Noisy Night (Silent Night)
Noisy night
Holy crap
All was calm, not for long
That fricken baby woke the dog
I hit his head with a log
Sleep in Heavenly peace...
Wreck the Halls (Deck the Halls)
Wreck the Halls with clubs and mallets
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-boom-bum-Boom
Cover the walls in grass and blood stains
bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-boom-bum-Boom
Don we now our fag apparel...
Have Yourself a Merry Christmahannukwanzakah (Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas)
Have yourself a merry Christmahannukwanzakah
Let your feet be sore
All of the
Running round will make you sick
So have yourself a merry Christmahannukwanzakah, now
Merry Christmahannukwnzakah all!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Doris Insider
A mole can be found on the face of hidden truths in Shrek 2 and 3. Doris flaunts her stuff in the new movie but here's a look behind the scenes. I present to you a special insider on Doris the Ugly(but loved) Stepsister.
Doris's Hidden Childhood
At the age of five, Doris and her sister Mabel moved into a new home with their mother. New houses can create new stress which is exactly what this mansion did. you all may know the story of Cinderella but you most likely know false details. Cinderella's father, Lord Pumpernickle, was not stricken with illnes. He was an alchoholic. Doris's mother knew this very well due to all of the late night awakenings by her drunk husband. She eventually became worried when her daughter Doris confronted her about yelling in the middle of the night. with a white lie and a pat on the back, Doris left the room. but, her mother did not feel content with the cruelty of lies so she encountered her husband in the courtyard the next day. he just returned from a fishing trip with the bartender at the Poison Apple. sure enough, he was drunk. when she told him the problem voices rang high. Doris was with Mabel in the fifth floor playroom and could not hear the fighting. Cinderella, however, was in the pantry at the time. When the yelling began she became worried and peered out the window to see the commotion. Her parents were yelling at the top of their lungs trying to get the best of the other until the Lord swung his fist at his wife. She collapsed on the ground of the courtyard. when she was able to stand up she was filled with hatred and worry for her children. Suddenly, without thinking, she pounced on her husband.
The next morning, while Cinderella was crying in her room and Doris and Mabel were with their mother, the maid witnessed a terrible sight. She was in the courtyard about to clean the pond when a pale figure became visible throught the dark waters. She pulled back her sleave and reached into the cold, dank water. When her hand emerged, it was clutching the collar of Lord Pumpernickle's vest. She released it immediateley and ran out of the mansion never to return.
By witnessing the death of her father at the hands of her evil stepmother, Cinderella gained a terrible rivalry with the murderer. But, mainly unkown to anyone, the stepmother felt terrible grief and guilt for the murder she had committed. With the only other alternative of jail, she covered up the murder and hatched a story that would keep her with her children but it would also make her a very hated woman in the kingdom. She didn't care though. As long as she was protecting her children, she felt loved, even thought Cinderella thought she was a heartless stepmother.
The story that you know may tell of a ball, a slipper and a happily ever after. But keep in mind that in Shrek 3 there was no other half to Cinderella's whole. Where was her housband? Was he away on business? What business? He's a prince. A prince by the name of Charming. In fact Charming was a favorite of princesses because he apparently was married to all of them. How can this possibly be? if there is no husband then there was no ball. If their was no ball, there was no Fairy Godmother. after years of research, we have been able to conclude that there was no real marriage. In fact there wasn't even a magic slipper. the only function it provided was a boomerang. the entire story of Cinderella was proposed to the inhabitants of Far Far Away by Cinderella herself to become well known and famous. But the story she told was twisted and contorted to suit her better half.
This has been a Doris Insider. Keep your eyes out for any knew secrets that will be coming your way!
Doris's Hidden Childhood
At the age of five, Doris and her sister Mabel moved into a new home with their mother. New houses can create new stress which is exactly what this mansion did. you all may know the story of Cinderella but you most likely know false details. Cinderella's father, Lord Pumpernickle, was not stricken with illnes. He was an alchoholic. Doris's mother knew this very well due to all of the late night awakenings by her drunk husband. She eventually became worried when her daughter Doris confronted her about yelling in the middle of the night. with a white lie and a pat on the back, Doris left the room. but, her mother did not feel content with the cruelty of lies so she encountered her husband in the courtyard the next day. he just returned from a fishing trip with the bartender at the Poison Apple. sure enough, he was drunk. when she told him the problem voices rang high. Doris was with Mabel in the fifth floor playroom and could not hear the fighting. Cinderella, however, was in the pantry at the time. When the yelling began she became worried and peered out the window to see the commotion. Her parents were yelling at the top of their lungs trying to get the best of the other until the Lord swung his fist at his wife. She collapsed on the ground of the courtyard. when she was able to stand up she was filled with hatred and worry for her children. Suddenly, without thinking, she pounced on her husband.
The next morning, while Cinderella was crying in her room and Doris and Mabel were with their mother, the maid witnessed a terrible sight. She was in the courtyard about to clean the pond when a pale figure became visible throught the dark waters. She pulled back her sleave and reached into the cold, dank water. When her hand emerged, it was clutching the collar of Lord Pumpernickle's vest. She released it immediateley and ran out of the mansion never to return.
By witnessing the death of her father at the hands of her evil stepmother, Cinderella gained a terrible rivalry with the murderer. But, mainly unkown to anyone, the stepmother felt terrible grief and guilt for the murder she had committed. With the only other alternative of jail, she covered up the murder and hatched a story that would keep her with her children but it would also make her a very hated woman in the kingdom. She didn't care though. As long as she was protecting her children, she felt loved, even thought Cinderella thought she was a heartless stepmother.
The story that you know may tell of a ball, a slipper and a happily ever after. But keep in mind that in Shrek 3 there was no other half to Cinderella's whole. Where was her housband? Was he away on business? What business? He's a prince. A prince by the name of Charming. In fact Charming was a favorite of princesses because he apparently was married to all of them. How can this possibly be? if there is no husband then there was no ball. If their was no ball, there was no Fairy Godmother. after years of research, we have been able to conclude that there was no real marriage. In fact there wasn't even a magic slipper. the only function it provided was a boomerang. the entire story of Cinderella was proposed to the inhabitants of Far Far Away by Cinderella herself to become well known and famous. But the story she told was twisted and contorted to suit her better half.
This has been a Doris Insider. Keep your eyes out for any knew secrets that will be coming your way!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
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